this chocolate-coffee bean treat is a great snack (especially for a coffee fiend like me). picked it up today at the asian mart when my mom sis and i were shopping around for ingredients for dinner (we had oden). and i found myself tsubu-an too! saves me the trouble of having to boil the beans overnight, got it all vacumm-sealed in a pack~

daddy's leaving for sg tmr evening for 2 months, let's hope the three of us don't cause any trouble for mommy.

can't believe my ink keeps on running out so fast! should have looked into the lifespan on ink cartridges when shopping around for a printer, not how fast it prints. -,-

watched Red Cliff Part 2 赤壁下. can't really compare it with the first one since it's been a while since i've watched 赤壁上, but if anything, what struck me was the amount of deaths in the film. i know it may sound stupid (cause obviously there will be deaths in wars and all that), but just learning about the history of china through history books and lessons in school makes it all too sterile, one can sometimes just relate to the deaths in wars as just a number.

and also, the complexity of the language, so unlike the everyday mandarin we speak now. i truly truly love the eloquence and beauty of the speech of that era. i don't do my 爷爷 justice with the horrible chinese i speak today. :P ahh well...

sleep beckons. おやすみ　晚安。
sunset on tuesday evening at caringbah woolies' carpark. the simple things in life. :)

hikki's song's playing on repeat in my head. loving LAST FRIENDS ラスト・フレンズ　at the moment :D translations to the song can be found here.

mm uni's been alright so far, a little different, since i'm taking more arts subjects this term. preliminary readings before lectures is something different (that i have to get used to). i spend less time in uni, due to the fact that my uni timetable are in blocks, with classes back to back, leaving me no time in between to catch up with friends.

[somehow or rather, i feel like i should have done this blog a few weeks earlier...]

anyhow, something interesting, today whilst walking into the train station at 6.30, there was this commotion on the tracks just one level and behind the florists at eddy ave. the guard in the middle guard's compartment was yelling at rail police on the road level from the tracks up there. at first no one could comprehend what he was saying, until he pointed vigorously to the tracks in the front of the train and yelled "there's a *** man on the tracks!" didn't see the man in question till a bit later, when this dishevelled and disorientated guy tottered into view. he made his way in the direction of the fence dividing the railway tracks from the general public and climbed over. don't know what happened after that though.

my group project for japn2700 this term will be on host clubs! XD made the suggestion and now i've got to follow it through. wish i could go to japan so i can see this for myself, like some of my friends in class have. it's funny how my only trip to japan was like 13 years ago (ithink). sucks to have not enough money... and no stable job. *mopes in corner*

001. Real Name: Justina
002. Nickname(s): Jay, Joos, Tina, Jay Tee
003. Age: 20
004. Horoscope: Virgo
005. Male or Female: Female
006. Elementary: CHIJ BT
007. Middle School: Zhenghua, St Francis Methodist, CHIJ St Theresa, Our Lady of Mercy College Burraneer
008. High School: De La Salle Cronulla
009. College School: UOW, UNSW
010. Hair colour: i think it's growing out, but like light brown.
011. Long or Short: mid-length
012. Loud or Quiet: quiet, but when it's on my favourite topic, i'm pretty chatty
013. Sweats or Jeans: i don't own a proper set of sweats, so i'll say jeans.
014. Phone or Camera: phone. cos my phone is my camera
015. Health Freak: totally not.
016. Drink or Smoke: occasional drink, no smoking (though i did entertain the idea...)
017. Do you have a crush on someone: no, cos tbh, i've grown out of secretly liking someone, cos eventually someone finds out.
018. Eat or Drink: you've gotta fuel your body... so yea
019. Piercings: 3, though i'm leaving one to close, i have no use for it anymore.
020. Tattoos: none (though i did entertain the idea... 'charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting')
021. Social or Anti-Social: wannabe social. but it tires me. so i'm somewhere in the middle.
022. Righty or lefty: right.
023. First piercing: 6-7? i don't remember
024. First relationship: it's hazy. there were the playdates in kindy and tripping-over-my-feet, clumsy first boy, and the weird ones... but the first time i ever really felt like i had a proper/weird relationship would be when i was 15.
025. First Best Friend: i don't remember... i had friends, but best friends?? maybe not...
026. First Award: sports leader (yellow team) award in primary school. i was primary 4-5 i think...
027. First Kiss: 15.
028. First Pet: the dogs in my grandma's
029. First Big Vacation: NZ at 3
030. First Love at first sight: hasn't happened in my life.
031. First Big Birthday: my 18?
032. First Surgery: none, small in-clinic stitches and teeth extraction yea.
033. First sport you joined: none. though i played them in phys-ed in school.

This or That
034. Orange or Apple juice: apple
035. Rock or Rap: rock
036. Country or Screamo: i plug my ears and sing to myself.
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: hard to decide...
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: mandy moore
039. Night or Day: day
040. Sun or Moon: sun&moon.
041. TV or Internet: net
042. Playstation or xbox: PS
043. Kiss or hug: physical contact sometimes scare me
044. Iguana or turtle: kame-chan
045. Spider or bee: bee, just cos they give us honey
046. Fall or spring: autumn you mean (can so tell americans wrote this...)
047. Limewire or iTunes: itunes
048. Soccer or baseball: it's football dammit. not soccer you damn americans. :P and yes, jp football.

Currently
049. Eating: nothing, i had dinner thanks.
050. Drinking: nothing.
051. Excitement level: low-neutral. refer to previous entry.
052. I’m about to: shower, read my readings for japn2500, japn2510 and japn2700.
053. Listening to: nothing. but my player's paused at Okaeri by Ayaka
054. Plan for today: try to read readings as much as i can before QT and sleep
055. Waiting for: nothing immediate, everyday minerals sample pack in the mail.
056. Energy Level: (i thought i saw this earlier...) moderate, i just had a nice dinner and ice cream. so i'm contented, might have a mug of tea before i sleep later.
057. Thinking of someone: not really. i don't get it why people think you will think of your SO when you're in love. all that does it make them get away from you just cause you think of them all day long. people have lives you know.
058. Want kids?: definately.
059. Want to get married?: mhmm
060. When?: when the Lord determines
061. How many kids do you want: 2-3
062. Any name on the mind: Bethel, Shiloh, Kai, Jude (and before someone starts slamming me that Shiloh being the name of God and whatnot, like someone has, it also means His Gift.)
063. What did you want to be when you were little: air stewardess. i'm too short now.
064. Careers in mind: research scientist (in jp Godwilling), english teacher in japan, consulate in japan.
065. Mellow future or wild: mellow, i've had my fair share of wildness already. eventhough my past self would have never stopped at where i am right now.
066. Something you would never try: walking on coals.
067. When do you want to die: when the Lord determines

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: eyes
069. Romantic or Funny?: can i ask for both? as long as his sense of humour isn't like my dad's thanks.
070. Shorter or Taller?: i doubt i'll find boys shorter than i am. but in any case, if i love the person, i wouldn't mind.
071. Protective or Caring?: caring. protective would be hinging too much on me, i don't deserve such attention, but thanks anyway.
072. Romantic or Spontaneous?: spontaneous, i love surprise visits and getaways. a spot of romantic would be nice too
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: how bout Nice Face? and Nice Fashion Sense. the bf has to carry me so it's a given that he'll have nice arms and he might have a little flub cos i'll be feeding him my cakes and dishes (but it'll be nice if he gets washboards)
074. Sensitive or Loud?: sensitive. loud guys turn me off.. and they scare me just a tad.
075. Hook-up or Relationship?: relationship. hook-ups never turn out right.
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: neither. a troublemaker would never last in the long run as a bf and a hesistant one would never get anywhere with me as i myself am hesistant.
077. Muscular or normal: normal. thanks.

078. Kissed a stranger: no
079. Broken a bone: no
080. Lost glasses or contacts: no. though i once had to throw away my contacts mid-day cos of some irritant in my eyes during a science experiment. went home blind.
081. Ran away from home: harboured the thought.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defence: in my dreams.
083. Killed somebody: in my dreams
084. Broken some one’s heart: i think yes? but seriously, borderline stalker.
085. Had your heart broken: yea. right now. though right now it's an old open wound.
086. Been arrested: no
087. Cried when someone died: yea
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: yea.

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: not entirely
090. Miracles: definately
091. Love at first sight: first impressions are important, but not essential.
092. Heaven: yea
093. Santa Claus: never. chimneys never existed in SG so obviously santa would have been unable to deliver presents in SG anyway. and imagine, HDB HOUSES + SANTA XD
094. Tooth Fairy: no. (sheesh, i just realised how stupidly sentimental western cultures are)
095. Kiss in the first date: yes.
096. Angels: yes. both good and bad ones

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: nope. i'm happy here.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you’re in life now?: not entirely satisfied, but i'm working towards it.
099. Do you believe in God?: absolutely
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

Tagged:
whoever reads.

is it possible and natural to feel so much resentment toward a sister? I know in my heart that i'm not supposed to and that it's not right that i'm feeling or thinking these thoughts but they seriously drive me up the wall. there's the alright paying out and then there's the outright no thought for the end results pay out.

could it possibly be them acting out what i've done toward them? that they are only acting like that because i am like that to them? i don't suppose so, but please, tell me if i do cos i want to know and stop that behaviour.

i don't understand how they can feel right in their hearts with themselves and moreso with God when their mouth spouts such degrading and mindless comments and taunts. it scares me even more when i asked one sister whether they ever felt horrible saying all that and that someone else could well be saying the exact same things about them behind their backs, to which she replied, "yea definately, so? I don't care."

i know i might be sounding a little too righteous and that you may think i'm in no position to tell you off, since i might be liable for reproach (from the past deeds that i may have done, that may have well given you grounds to act like this toward me).

... well not really, but i gotta disclose a bad habit of mine.

i have this bad habit of unintentionally distancing myself from friends.

like you know how people usually like holidays cos they can spend time with friends without the pretext of "we have to work on a project together" or "we happen to be going home the same way". when people ask me how my holidays have been, i have this textbook answer of "oh yea, it's been alright. just spending the time catching up with friends i haven't been seeing cos we were seperated when we were posted to different unis".

truth is, i hole myself up at home and never go out.

and thus because of that, i don't have a lot of friends at the moment. i'm not a good friend to be honest. even on msn, i rarely ever talk to people. i'm one of those people that go "unless they talk to me, then i'll respond" and "if i wanted to talk to them, what do i even talk about?" and it gets even awkward when i haven't talked to them in a while.

hehh...

MP3

抱きしめてほしいよ　ほんとは　ねぇ今すぐに
素直になれるなら　すべてが君に...
i really want to hold you, really, right now
if i could be honest, i'd tell you everything

※いつだって本当はずっと　I WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU
でも戸惑うばかりで過ぎていくね時間だけ
君のすべてになりたくて
信じてたいの※
always the whole time I wanna say I love you
but while i was perplexed the time had already passed
i want to become your everything
would you believe it

僕の声聞こえてるなら
if you can hear my voice

強がって笑顔で隠す不安は
the uneasiness concealed by my forced smile

『気つかれたくない
でもやっぱり
気ついてほしい。
i don't wanna feel/think (it),
but then again
i want to.』

君にはもう気付かれてるかな？
気になって云えなくて
I WANT YOU BY MY SIDE
EVERY MOMENT IN MY LIFE
are you able to notice it?
i can't say what i'm thinking
I want you by my side
every moment in my life

『「大丈夫？」って
聞かないで。
「大丈夫」って
答えちゃうから。
"are you alright?"
you asked.
"i'm alright"
i answered.』

傷つくことが怖いから
次の約束もできないまま
because i'm afraid of getting hurt
i am still unable to make another promise

『好き。
だから、
傷つく。
i like you.
that's why
it hurts.』

またねって、手を振ると
泣きたいくらい切なくなるのはなぜ？
'bye' you said, waving your hand
i almost wanted to cry, that word is so painful

『言わないんじゃなくて。
言えないんだよ。
it's not that i don't want to say it.
it's because i can't say it.』

※いつだって本当はずっと　I WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU
でも戸惑うばかりで過ぎていくね時間だけ
君のすべてになりたくて
信じてたいの※
always the whole time I wanna say I love you
but while i was perplexed the time had already passed
i want to become your everything
would you believe it

僕の声聞こえてるなら
if you can hear my voice

ためらってる今　この瞬間にも
君は何を思っているの？
hesitating now, at this moment too
what are you thinking about?

『いつもより、
ちょっと長いメール。
それだけで??しい。
always more than,
a text message that's a little long.
just with that ?? 』

知りたくて聞けなくて
BOY YOU MAKE ME LOSE CONTROL
EVERY TIME YOU TOUCH MY SOUL
i want to know but i can't hear it
Boy you make me lose control
every time you touch my soul

着信の度にスクリーンの中
when a message arrives, in the screen

『メールが届くたび、
あの人からだと
期待してしまう。
when the text message is sent,
you hope for that receiver's reply.』

探してるのは君だけで
'会いたい'の一言が
痛いくらいに
i am only looking for you
'i want to meet you' this one sentence
is almost painful,

『書いたり消したり。
どうしよう？
このハートマーク。
write (back) or delete;
what to do?
this heart mark.』

私を乱してく
it throws me into a mess

『私からばかりだと
不安だよ。
only because it's me
i'm uncetain.』

※いつだって本当はずっと　I WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU
でも戸惑うばかりで過ぎていくね時間だけ
君のすべてになりたくて
信じてたいの※
always the whole time I wanna say I love you
but while i was perplexed the time had already passed
i want to become your everything
would you believe it

僕の声聞こえてるなら
if you can hear my voice

離れてると寂しくて　
being separated and lonely

『平気なんじゃなくて、
平気なフリしてる
だけなんだよ。
』

側にいると苦しくて
どこにいたって　何をしてたって
ただ　募ってくよ　君への想いだけ
being together but in pain
no matter where i am, no matter what i do
i need your help, i keep thinking of you

『さっきまで
一緒にいたのに、
もう会いたい。
just when we had met and spent time together,
i want to meet you again.』

こらえ様のない　気持ち溢れだしていく
I WANNA GIVE IT ALL TO YOU
君の声を聞くだけで　ふっと見つめられるだけで
いつまでも　何があっても　離したくないから
i can't help it, my feelings are overflowing
I wanna give it all to you
to just be able to hear your voice, to just gaze at you
because i don't want to leave you no matter when or what

『会いないのが
わっかてるから、
「会いたい」って
言えない。
i know we can't meet,
that's why i don't tell you "i want to see you"』

LOVING YOU　君へ走りだす
loving you i run towards you

『不安で。
送ったメール、
何度も見返す。
i feel uneasy.
i just sent a text message,
when will you see it and reply.』

※いつだって本当はずっと　I WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU
でも戸惑うばかりで過ぎていくね時間だけ
君のすべてになりたくて
信じてたいの※
always the whole time I wanna say I love you
but while i was perplexed the time had already passed
i want to become your everything
would you believe it

YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING

※いつだって本当はずっと　I WANNA SAY I LOVE YOU
でも戸惑うばかりで過ぎていくね時間だけ
君のすべてになりたくて
信じてたいの※
always the whole time I wanna say I love you
but while i was perplexed the time had already passed
i want to become your everything
would you believe it

僕の声聞こえてるなら
if you can hear my voice

ALL MY LIFE I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED TO BE WITH YOU

『心の中でなら、
間単に
伝えられるのに。
a heart's everything
is easy
to understand.』

ALL MY HEART DESIRES FILLED WITH LOVE SO TRUE

抱きしめてほしいよ　ほんとは　ねぇ今すぐに
素直になれるなら　すべてを君に...
i really want to hold you, really, right now
if i could be honest, i'd tell you everything...